Monday, March 16, 2015

What is a name?

Hello all!
Ahh I'm on my finals week, and so close to the light at the end of the tunnel...sooo close!Anyways I wanted to take a little break from it all and talk about my name.
    As you all know it's Hannah, and for all my life I have hated it with a passion.Mostly because I have been told so many times that it was an old name. As a little girl, I used to want to change it to my middle name Elizabeth or at least something more exciting,and popular. As I grew up I began to realize something, why should I hate my name? Sure people think of it as being old, but those are the impressions that they received. I once had a customer say to me : "Hannah, that was my grandmother's name. She was a horrible person." It upset me at first, but later on I just had to laugh at that. Of course Hannah is an older name, but it means grace or favour. Knowing just this makes me name all the better in my eyes. Even the way that it sounds too is full of grace, the way the "h" whispers from your mouth and the the "annah" part just flows right afterwards.And the name is so scarce now days that I feel unique just having it. It is one of the things in the world so underappreciated. Like the fact that is a palindrome, how many people can say their name forwards and backwards? Not that many  let me tell you!  Recently at work, people have been commenting on my name as well. Saying how beautiful they find it, and they wished they had named their daughter Hannah. It just makes me smile to realize the name that I hated for most of my life has become something I have learned to appreciate.I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because people say something negative about you, don't let them get to you. Especially when it comes to your name, because that is the thing that defines you. If we could all choose our names where would be the fun in that? We are given three (sometimes more) names in our lives, why should we hate one of them because of the negative comments we receive as children?
So I say forget them and be your own person. I love my name now that I have come to appreciate it, it's special to me. And is something that makes me unique, I don't need a popular name.
much love,
xoxo H<3



Monday, February 9, 2015

Hello all,
My goodness it's been a while since I've been back on here, but I honestly haven't gotten the time to be able to do anything outside of school and work, and of course making time for Andrew. Anyways a little summary of what I've been up to:
                   I've started my program, the Woodring College of Education and I absolutely love it, it is a cohort based system. So I get to go through the entire program with a small group of women that I am so blessed to have. My school work is absolutely challenging but I love it, I love that I have to struggle to understand a concept because it tells me that I am in the exact place I should be.I finished up my first quarter with a 3.6 GPA, I am so proud of this. I'm into my second quarter at the moment and that means I'm in practicum. And I LOVE being in the classroom, it's so great to be around students and to be learning alongside them . They  one of my greatest joys of the week, (of course besides my Andrew)and I can't begin to explain to you how fortunate I am to be doing the very thing I have always meant to do. These kids are always eager to learn, they teach me something new every time I'm with them.
  Besides school, it's mostly been work. And if I can, I want to brag a little bit about my work, each and every person I work with are some of the most compassionate, hard working, and loyal people I could ever ask for. My manager is a wonderful lady that works incredibly hard to push us all to succeed and works around my schedule which I am ever thankful for. I feel that in the past few months I have been able to develop into a strong barista not only capable of the work set in front of me, but to help others when needed.
Lastly, Andrew and I have been able to see each other a lot, now that fishing season has officially ended and our love is stronger than ever, and I absolutely adore him. He works incredibly hard to take care of me, and I appreciate him every day for that. I am so happy for him too because he has FINALLY been able to get his dream truck which he has saved up for for a very long time.

So that's just a little peek into what I've been up to!
Lots of love,
H <3

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Love is new

Hello all!

What a month, that's all I have to say! Goodness! I am all wrapped up with my associates and it feels so great to finally be all done with it! And now I can just focus on work,and finding myself a hobby.

    As some of you know, my boyfriend is a fisherman.He's gone for long periods of time, it makes it really hard sometimes.But we make it work somehow and it's a beautiful thing.I wanted to take the time to write about him because I feel he deserves it. He is a big part of my life,and we just went through a little bit of a difficult time.
      "This moon
       is that moon
       and this light
       is the very same
      that's chalk dusting
      your hair.
      Breathe,
      and I will feel it,
      cry,
     and I will catch,
     We are not
     so far
     apart."
This poem by Tyler Knott Gregson has helped me get through this all.It's so beautiful, it reminds me of my boy. It reminds me that even if he is so far away, he is looking at the same moon,thinking of me.Now I know it could be considered a little cliche,but I'm starting to love and accept these. Because they mean something to every couple,does not mean you can make it special in your own way. There are so many things I want to talk about I don't even know where to begin.I'll begin with the fact that one of the things I love the most, is how forgiving Andrew is. He surprises me every single day when it comes to forgiveness, he told me recently that the past is the past and that's where it should stay.If you stay there it can eat you alive,you can't change anything that has already happened.And I forgive you, because I don't want a life without .I already hated  how it was,trying to erase you from my life. The past is the past and we live in the present.You must look past difficult things before you can find the good.You must open your mind in order to live.People are people and they will always be that,it’s no use trying to make them be what you think is a better person.Just love them for who they are. He is so wise,how did I get so lucky to find someone like this in my life? Before he had to leave we spend about three days straight together,and it was so lovely. We went up to Port Townsend to a cidery and picked blueberries with my family, we were quicker than the rest so we walked back up the hill to the cidery.Getting some wood fired pizza, we sat in the grass waiting for the pizza and just talked.We talked about anything and everything, it felt like we had reversed the clock. It felt like we had just met each other, but at the same time it felt like returning home after years of being gone.The next day we went out to dinner,we had ridden a friend's motorcycle.Andrew's is out of commission at the moment,but it was the first time in a long time since we had ridden together.Maybe it was because it had been such a long time ago, but I like to believe in a little thing called love.It was a beautiful night,just warm enough that I didn't get cold, but we drove past Island Lake catching glimpses of it shimmering through the trees. And it filled up my heart, the sun was just setting and it cast a lovely glow onto the water.I could feel the rush of the ride, the wind blew my hair back, and I could feel it..I could feel the love all around us.It was in the setting sun,the clouds that hung above the trees,the turning of the wheels, the touch of rubber upon the pavement, each breath I took everything and anything I could feel it and see it. It was a tangible thing in that moment, Andrew reached back and held my hand I laid against him even more closing my eyes and smiling.The next ride we took was back to his house,its a long and windy wooded road and it made the magic even more present. We could see the stars at this point and it sprinkled even more magic into the evening, he reached back again holding my hand and we wove between the trees almost feeling them touch you. It's amazing truly,to ride with someone you love.I've tried to explain how different it is to ride at night than it is to during the day, all I can really say is that during the day you feel as though everyone is watching you but at night the whole world seems to look away from you.It's all about the person you are with, it feels as though for a second the world is quiet.
Here are some pictures of us <3








Much love as always <3
xoxoxo H <3

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

On love and loss

Hello all,
I hope today finds you well,if not I'm sure it'll get better for you.Anyways, a lot has happened since my last post! I turned twenty on the fifth of July! Hooray! I'm no longer a teenager,and can now officially be referred to as a lady. I've also started summer school,ugh and it's so hard! Especially considering its my last quarter at Olympic College! Which in turn leads to my best news of all! I am officially a student of Western Washington University, I will be starting school in September to become a teacher.I can't even begin to express how joyful I am,and relieved that my application process is finally over! Of course there is much more to worry about,such as paying for school.Ugh I don't even want to think about that right now...
   
        Of the three summer classes I am taking,I chose to take Creative Writing this quarter,and man is it kicking my butt.I feel like I've been a terrible student this quarter,as much as I hate the workload I love the challenge of writing.While on break at work,Buzzfeed recently published an article about a dog's last day of life and needless to say it made me cry so much that my coworkers were worried for me.It hit me so hard,because I recently just lost one of my best animals friends in life.My seventeen year old kitty had gone missing a few days ago,and hasn't returned since.The article made me realize that my kitty  truly was gone and wouldn't be coming back.As much as I wished that he would show up,I know in my heart he's in a better place.I miss him everyday,he hasn't been gone for very long,but it still aches my heart so deeply.My sister Sarah and I are always the ones who get immersed in our animals,we love them even for the short time we get them.It makes me sad to write this,but I feel that I need to speak a little on the subject. Peetie was his name,and he was a incredible cat. My oldest sister Jessica prayed and prayed for a cat for her birthday and lo and behold on her 12th birthday,he showed up on our neighbor's doorstep.He was gorgeous with luminous eyes,a white triangle on his face, paws that were large for a cat of his size,and the sweetest pink nose that glowed when he laid next to the fire. When we got him,we guessed he was about a year old,and we just couldn't believe that there wouldn't be someone who'd miss him.He was so sweet tempered,he always purred and just adored attention. Little did we know that his life would be full of adventures,the first being the fact that he loved people so much he'd follow people home.On Halloween he followed some trick or treaters to the other side of our neighborhood and luckily a friend recognized him and reunited us within a matter of a few days. After that,every holiday we kept him inside. His next adventure was to break his sternum, we have never been able to understand how exactly he did it but our vet suggested that someone had either hit him,or he had fallen out of a tree.He did have a particular fondness to lay in the middle of our street and stop traffic, in his heyday he even stopped a large dog in its tracks. The owner of the dog said:"NOW that's a CAT!". Now normally,when an animal breaks its sternum it is fatal, but for Peetie his sternum had popped out inside of inward which would have resulted in his lungs being crushed. But somehow he managed to use some of his lives up and remain unscathed by the incident,other than the fact that you could feel his bone jutting out of his chest. His next adventure was kidney stones with a urinary tract infection, he survived this thanks to our vet once again. He was still quite young when all of this happened so it could have been easier for him to overcome these incidents, but I like to think of it as being just cat luck.His last and latest adventure was battling hyperthyroidism, which means that he had an over active thyroid gland causing his body to go a little wacky.But despite being older,be fought the illness and kept purring through it all. He was my old man at this point,but I could still see the way that he looked you in the eyes.I swear that he never really was a cat but that he was a person trapped in a cat's body. When you said his name,he looked you right in the eyes.I've never had another cat that would do this, and it endeared him even more to me.He was one of my first cats,and he was a lovely introduction to my love for cats.He laid with me when I was sick,and let me cry next to him when we lost our old dog, and still he looked at me and purred.As if to say,"I know it's hard girl,but I love you." It makes me tear up writing this,but I know in order to properly recognize his loss, I need to talk about him.It's so hard to lose an animal you've had for so long,my sister Sarah always tells me that we can love animals as deeply as we can for the short time they are here.Animals just can't be here for as long as us.As much as I miss my old man,I know it was his time to leave,he left without saying goodbye to us because secretly he already had said his goodbyes to each of his girls,he left us just as he had come to us. He walked into our lives one day,and left when he was meant to. Every day I will think of him,and I will miss my wonderful cat.But I know in my heart that he is resting now,he is young again off adventuring somewhere in the great big sky.
I hope I didn't make you all too sad,I just felt that it was something to share <3.much love,
H<3 xoxox

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Fresh Perspectives

Hello all,
Life is good.I'm just about wrapping up my second to the last quarter,I can't believe at the end of summer I'll have my AA! I am so excited,nervous,thrilled,and ready to be done with the drudgery of it all,and finally get to the stuff I want to do!
I know most of you probably don't know,but I want to be a kindergarten teacher when I grow up.(I'm still growing up haha) I applied to Western Washington University,and in turn to their Woodring Education program.But what's neat,is the fact that through Olympic College,I can do the same exact program down here as I can up in Bellingham.I scheduled my group interview,and it's tomorrow night.I am kinda nervous,but I'm definitely ready to begin this leg of my journey.But to get there,I have to get though the rest of this quarter and the next.I've been stressing out about paying for school,making sure I get to see everybody in my life,and so much more.
But what I realized the other day,is that it's okay to ask for help.Even if I feel like I am being a burden,everyone is around me to for a reason: they care.And sometimes I forget that,and I need someone to remind me of it.Sometimes it's the most simplest of things too,my mom just looked at me and said I'll help you.And I felt so much better,you can never deny the feelings of relief that come from your mothers voice.
Life is definitely so much more relaxed now that I can see the end is in sight.I am so excited.But I know I can t overwork myself,because you're only one person and no one can deny that.There's only so much you can do in one day,that's why there is so many.
Lots of love ❤️
H

Monday, April 21, 2014

Spring

Dear friends,
Happy Belated Spring everyone! Ahh I love spring,it's my second favorite season.Summer being my absolute favorite of course! But anyways,with Spring always comes change some of which is pleasant and some of which is not.
 For me,I see the changes in nature and that makes me ache even more for my new adventure!On April 1st,I applied to the Woodring Program of Education and I am overjoyed,nervous,and impatient to get my results back! Ahh,it's the 21st so that means it's only been a short time since I've turned everything in.At first I didn't mind waiting,I thought it would go by fast,but I realized as time goes on I've become more anxious and self deprecating.And I certainly don't mean to be,there are just so many people in the world that I don't want to disappoint most of all being myself.This has led me to be more worried and anxious than usual.Small things that wouldn't bother me normally are,and I'm forgetting things that should be focused upon which has pushed me further into this state I dont even want to be in.But I know I can work myself out of it,Andrew my boyfriend along with my family have all been so helpful.As they usually are,and I am forever grateful to have them in my life.So that's why I wanted to take a moment and reflect on what I have in my present moment:
I have a home
I have a wonderful family
I have a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend
I have amazing friends
I have the best coworkers 
I have my life
I have my animals
I have a job,that I love to do more than anything.(Even if I do complain from being tired)
I have a car
I have a mission in life 
I have school
I have an education
I have all the clothes I could ask for
I have a good home life
I have the money in my pocket 
I have patience
I have kindness
I have my lipstick
I have my big heart 
I have people to watch over me
I have people who care
I have a care for my world 
I have so much in this life,that I shouldn't worry so much but I do.
I have a worry,to make sure I never forget how truly lucky I am.
It's hard sometimes,and I know it's difficult for me right now.But I know someday I will look back and laugh at myself.Because I know my life could be so much harder,and when the going gets tough to look ahead and learn from your mistakes.Certainly nobody is perfect in our world,but all of us can try to be the kind of perfect we are destined to be.
Take a moment and list down all the things you are thankful for 💛 
Lots of love,
💛💛💛💛 H 

Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day

Ahhh Valentine's day,the day of love,affection,chocolate,and cats.Oh wait that's everyday for me. I love Valentine's day,it's one of my favorite holidays,I'm sure it's because I am a hopeless romantic,the idea of having a Valentine the one who has your heart possibly forever,or just temporarily is just sweet. But I don't want to leave out all those who don't have a Valentine,even if you don't you still have chocolate and other things to look forward too!And even if you are single,your Valentine could still be a friend,your sister,your cat,your dog,or your celebrity crush.Valentine's day isn't just about having that one special person,it's also about being able to appreciate the beauty that is love. And certainly anyone can appreciate that! <3
        Anyway's I also wanted to talk about my own Valentine(for just a bit),he's wonderful,sweet,thoughtful,quiet,and just genuine.He's so great,and I love him a whole lot. We've been together for 2 and a half years,which really hasn't felt that long at all! So obviously,we've had several Valentine's day's together,and out of these three our very first is my absolute favorite. Like every year,I had gotten a special dress for the day,I had my whole outfit all planned out,I'd made him a card,and gotten some chocolates for him.I waited anxiously for the day,and once it arrived it was not at all what I had planned for. It was a dreary,wet,and cold winter day.The rain was coming down so hard,but still I wore my little dress,and opted for boots instead of flats,I made it work even though the weather wasn't working in my favor. Once I got out of school,he picked me up and I was so excited.I was wondering what we were going to do,surely he had something special planned! Sadly,he ended up having to pick up a washer for his grandma,and we had a few other errands to do.Saddened,but still content to spend time with him,we set off to pick up the washer. We had fun laughing,and singing on the drive to Bremerton. And I thought to myself,it really isn't that bad,we get to see each other at least and we could maybe do something fun another day.Once we reached his grandma's it took such a long time to install the washer,we had to go and get another part the washer didn't even come with! As the hours stretched by,I got a little dismayed I really did want to do something fun! And by the time they would probably get done,I'd have to get home for my curfew. To my surprise,he was able to finish installing the washer quicker than he or I thought! So, we had dinner, and once it was over we said our goodbyes,I figured we would just head to my house and watch a movie or something like that. But as we got in his truck,he turned to me and said I wanna take you somewhere.I'm sorry our Valentine's day wasn't perfect but I can take you somewhere at least where it will be something.So we drove, and he took me to a beach.I know it seems so silly,it was windy and cold,but the rain had  finally let up,although the sun had set, it was still so beautiful. He gave me his sweater to keep me a little warmer,took out a blanket and we sat on the sand.I looked up at the clear sky,feeling the bite of the wind,smelling the saltwater,and seeing the reflection of the moon onto the black water.It was so beautiful,and it made that day so much better. I've always loved to collect rocks,and so soon I got up and started searching for rocks,picking up sea glass as well. Using my phone as a flashlight,I happened upon a rock,looking at it more closely,I noticed that in the dry parts of it in the very center was a heart.It made me smile, and everything suddenly dawned on me.Love is always around us,no matter what kind,no matter our mind set,there is evidence of it even in nature.
"There is no fear in love;Perfect love casts away fear"-John 4:18
Happy Valentine's Day all! Hope you all are able to enjoy it.Much love,
<3 H